Lies

Rocío felt someone reloading the page. Stuck in her thoughts, she couldn't escape as quickly as she would have liked. It was obvious she'd been there for at least three seconds.

It was Grace. She knew it, because, really, who else could it be? Charlie was already gone, and if she'd tried to come back, Grace would have left her outside.

With the memories that had returned still in her mind, she wondered, how did she go from being so optimistic about Grace to not wanting to see her?

Well, the truth is, she remembered the answer well. It's her most recent memory before her consciousness transferred to that computer, and really, also her last memory where she wasn't alone. But that didn't mean it was a good one.

In fact, that memory made her specifically wish no one else would enter her heaven. No matter how lonely she felt, it was truly better than having someone like Grace.

No matter how lonely she feels, she didn't need anyone else, did she? She had Maisie and... well, Jay's dead, and she doesn't feel like reviving her right now.

Grace obviously noticed Rocio. And then she set off to find her. Rocio, tired of having to hide but not wanting to confront Grace, closed the HTML file.

"UGH! REALLY, ROCIO?!" Grace sighed, then looked at the computer. "Microphone on... AND YOU’RE LISTENING TO ME TOO!?”

Rocio laughed silently. Even if Grace muted the microphone, she could easily turn it back on. She was like a virus.

It wasn't like she really cared what the hell Grace was doing with her life; it was just to annoy her a little.

Or maybe she was a little interested, but it was just curiosity. She didn't really care if she was dead or alive. Of course not. Why would she care? It was just to see a reaction. Scaring her was so much fun...or at least before she realized it was her and just stared at the camera with a straight face...ugh. But she didn't care.

Or maybe she did. But that was normal, wasn't it? They were once friends; it was normal for her to be curious about whether she was alive or dead, right?

But still, she didn't want to talk to Grace. It was just curiosity.

Still, really, she depended on Grace. If she deleted the HTML file...with just one click, she could be killed. Although she didn't have to worry about it as much anymore because Charlie already had it on her computer too, she was still worried. That's all. It's normal to worry.

But anyway, that didn't matter at the moment, because Grace gave up and shut down the PC. She could go on with her "life."

Rocio was thinking about everything that had happened just a few moments ago (or so it felt like; Rocio had no idea how much time had actually passed), or well, everything that had been happening in general.

Charlie was trying to spend time with her, trying to... What the hell was she trying to do?

She seemed to care about her, but Rocio really didn't believe it was real (or maybe she didn't WANT to believe it was real). She asked her if she was really okay there, and once she just connected herself just to check "how she was doing."

But she didn't think she really cared. She was probably just there for the "spooky mystery" or something. Charlie definitely wanted something from her.

Right?

But what if she doesn't really want something from her? What if Rocio was being just mean to her? Maybe... maybe she did care...

No.

Impossible.

Why the hell would Charlie care about someone as horrible as Rocio? She's disgusting. She literally left Charlie with a huge trauma. She heard her mention that she'd played the games as a child, and that's why she was now investigating. There was no way she wouldn't hate her. That she wouldn't feel disgust, anger, and sick about her. It was horrible, and she was aware of that.

So there was no way Charlie really cared about her. She definitely wanted something.

But what did she want?

The big question: What could Charlie possibly want from Rocío? Normally, when someone managed to talk to her—in the few cases where, to her own chagrin, she had to talk to someone—she could always quickly decipher what they wanted. But with Charlie, it was simply impossible. She'd already given her clues to break the games for her YouTube channel. WHAT ELSE DID SHE WANT? She couldn't figure out what Charlie really wanted, but she knew it couldn't be helping her.

Did she just want to annoy her? If that were the case, Charlie would have stopped by now, and besides, Charlie didn't seem to cross the boundaries she set. She treated her well and with respect.

What if she wanted to take her out of her heaven? Well, that was obvious already. From the moment she asked her if she didn't want to leave, it became clear that she had something against her heaven. What if she was one of those stupid people who pretended to care? Charlie didn't understand. And she wouldn't understand. It was clear, Charlie was just being nice, but in reality, she wanted to take Rocío out of her beloved heaven, right? Because she doesn't understand. She doesn’t understand how good it feels there. Rocío didn't want to be saved. This was for her sake.Rocio deserved this, and she hated anyone telling her otherwise, because what the fuck would they know? What the fuck would Charlie know? They weren't even the same age! When she was making the games, Charlie was the one consuming them! Charlie knew NOTHING. She was just another stupid little girl.

Yes, it was clear. Charlie was a danger. And Rocio had to get her away from her if she wanted to stay in her beloved heaven. Charlie was just a stupid little girl who would never understand anything she had to go through. Charlie only did everything for the "spooky mystery." She didn't really care about Rocio. Besides, who would care about her?

Rocio didn't care that nobody cared about her. She cared when those people tried to break into her heaven and take her for their own gain. It was obvious Charlie didn't really care about Rocio.

Right?

A small, very small part of Rocio liked to think that Charlie really cared.

That Charlie really wanted to try to help her.

And that part felt sorry for her.

Because she knew she was ruined, that there was no going back for her, and that she could never, ever be fixed. She couldn't be helped. She was broken, beyond saving. There was no one who could help her, at least not ending worse than herself. And Rocio didn't want to ruin others with her own problems.

That part of Rocio appreciated Charlie so much for at least trying. But she knew Charlie was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail. She was going to fail.

She was going to fail...

Out of nowhere, Rocio felt another presence. God, she's been so lost in her thoughts lately... But she could still hear pretty well. But she definitely had to think less. She wasn't going to enjoy her time in her heaven if she spent all her time thinking, right? But it was probably because she'd gotten used to being alone in her heaven for years, years where everyone had completely forgotten about Yaniaso and Lacey. They were beautiful years (Or maybe they were months? She didn't know; the years had blended together in her head).

But the point was, she heard someone else's presence, and as if summoning her, she realized it was Charlie. But she also knew she wouldn't be able to talk to her in the same way, since Charlie wasn't connected to the page this time. It was much different when Charlie connected to the page. First, she could sense her better, she could feel as if someone else was accompanying her. She could sense when someone entered the page, but the feeling when someone else CONNECTED to the page was different. She felt...less alone.

Which would be good if she hadn't learned to dislike company.

The truth was, Charlie could also possess a character just like Rocio, but she wouldn't tell her that. It would be even more annoying if she knew, interfering with her heaven even more...

Did this really bother her?

Did it really bother her that Charlie interfered? In a way, the more she thought about Charlie visiting her, the more she didn't really hate her company. But thinking is different from living. She liked thinking about talking to Charlie, but when she HAD to talk to Charlie, her mind went blank, and all she wanted was to be left alone. What the hell was wrong with her?

She felt confused and disgusted with herself. She said she wanted something, but when it was given to her, she didn't know what to do and just ran away.

How stupid...

"Rocíoo?" She didn't even realize that someone had access to the microphone. This took her by surprise.

<What_are_you_doing¿_I_thought_you'd_leave_me_for_today>

"We only talked for about two minutes, Rocío..." Charlie complained. "I want to talk more..."

<don't_you_have_any_friends?>

"Umm...uhh..." Charlie fidgeted. "Next question...!"

<That's_a_NO?>

"Uhh...yes, I have friends... I have two friends from high school who went to college with me. They barely talk to me anymore, and they've made more friends, but... it counts right?”

<So_you_do_have_friends> Rocio responded, her view of friendship even more distorted than Charlie's.

<which_makes_me_ask_you_again_DONT_YOU_HAVE_BETTER_THINGS_TO_DO?>

“Uh...not really, I go to university in the afternoon, so there's no need for me to go to bed early…”

<but_going_to_bed_early_is_good_for_you_even_if_you_go_to_at_evening> Magically, another tab opened with the benefits of going to bed early.

“Oh, and you slept well, Rocío?”

<that_doesn't_matter_right_now>

Charlie sighed:

-You know, you can't go around giving advice that you don't even follow. It's hypocritical, Rocío. If you're going to give me advice, at least follow it too...

<How_do_you_want_me_to_follow_it? I'm_on_a_page.>

"Oh...right...Sorry...I forgot..." Charlie replied, somewhat embarrassed.

<Uh, I guess it's okay, I don't really care, but, don't you have better things to do than not want to talk to me?>

"Uh...I've already studied and done everything I had to do, so...not really. And like I told you, my friends barely talk to me now..."

<same_thing_happened_to_me_with_GRACE>

"I want you to know, Rocío, that this isn't a normal, good friendship."

<so_why_are_you_staying¿>

"Uh..." Charlie thought. "Good question..."

<it’s_not_that_bad_then>

Charlie was starting to dislike this conversation.

"Yes, it is... I hate feeling invisible, I hate feeling like they only want me when they need something, I hate feeling like a dog following strangers, I hate feeling so used and excluded... I hate it so much." Charlie replied, her voice colder than usual. "But I haven't left them yet because this is better than nothing. At least they talk to me sometimes, but I also know my way of thinking is wrong. If I don't feel good around them, I should just leave them.." Charlie sighed and then thought. "So... Rocío, it was the same situation with you, wasn't it?"

<I_don't_think_GRACE_was_the_WORST> Rocio replied. <Is_it_really_that_bad¿>

"What about your other friends?" Charlie asked, then realized. "Did you have any other friends besides Grace?"

<GRACE_was_my_first_friend>

"Oh...! That... That explains a lot..."

<really?>

"Yeah, you never had any friends, so you were afraid of losing the only one you ever made in your entire life, because you liked the company you had, and you thought you wouldn't be able to find other friends," Charlie commented. Rocío fell silent.

She was right.

At one point, she didn't even like being with Grace, but she was afraid of returning to the cold loneliness.

After all, who would want her as a friend besides Grace? If she left Grace, she'd never find anyone else. No one could stand her. If she could barely stand her, who would?

But that didn't matter anymore.

Right now, she didn't need Grace's company anymore. Or Charlie's. She didn't need anyone's company.

"Rocio? Everything okay? Please don't make the page crash again..."

<that's_not_really_my_choice.>

"Huh? Really?"

<today_I_don't_know_how_or_why_the_page_fell_or_I. didn't.even.realize!>

"You didn't even realize, huh?" Charlie thought seriously, and remembered the question she had asked:

"Well, I just...wanted to ask you...you said the games at the beginning were to distract you...Distract you...from what?"

That question...if Rocio wanted to distract herself, it was because she wasn't going through something good. So...

"May I ask what happened when the page fell?" Charlie asked.

<I_just_started_thinking_about_what_happened. Or_trying_to_think.>

"And how did you feel about those memories?"

Silence.

It was clear, Rocio didn't like those memories. Which could mean...

"Has this happened to you more than once?"

<Only_with_you_really> Of course, only with her, because no one but her really tried to help the poor girl. Or made her think a lot about her past.

"Rocio, since your consciousness is connected to the page... it could be your emotions too. Maybe the page fell on its own because you felt something very strong..."

Rocio thought. It made sense. No one really asked her things about herself, besides Charlie. Charlie was the only one so far who showed real interest in her. But she said the same thing about Grace, so it could easily have been just her.

"Could I ask you what that strong feeling was that made the whole page fall and crash?" Charlie questioned.

<wouldn’t_it_make_the_page_fall_again¿>

"Ermm..." Charlie thought. She was right, the page could fall apart again if her theory is true... But..." "Does it really upset you to think about how you felt at that moment? Can you at least try to describe it briefly?" Rocío didn't answer, so Charlie added, "I just want to help you, but if you don't want to do this, that's fine..."

"Sure, sure, and now she comes with the typical 'I just want to help you,'" Rocío said to herself. It really bothered her that Charlie tried so hard to help her, when she was a lost cause. She didn't deserve help. She deserved all the suffering she could get, in fact, she got herself into this.

But she also knew Charlie REALLY wasn't going to stop. There's no stopping this girl. She realized that when she overheard her contacting Grace for an interview instead of just leaving the flash games as they were and moving on with her life. Was her life really that boring? But oh well, she was going to try to collaborate with Charlie and remember, instead of ignoring her and moving on with her life as usual.

<I_felt_somewhat_overwhelmed_by_all_those_memories.>

"Overwhelmed, hm?" Charlie thought. "Were they bad memories?"

<Not_really. I_just_remembered_the_beginnings_of_yaniaso> Rocío couldn't see it, but she could picture Charlie with her eyes shining, preparing 90 questions and a full video. The last part was a joke, because if she made a full video with her, she'd make sure it was either deleted or corrupted beyond repair.

"So how did it all start? Will you tell me, please, please?" Charlie pleaded. "Sure, if it doesn't bother you or make you feel bad..."

<okay> Rocío agreed, if that would make her go away (although she had wanted to talk to her a few moments ago).

<look_at_it_all_started_when_I_talked_to_Grace_about_Flash_games> Rocío began.

<Grace_offered_to_make_games_for_girls_and_even_though_that_wasn't_my_idea_I_went_for_it>

"But did you want to make games for girls?"

<I_don't_know>

<no>

<but_if_I_was_going_to_make_them_with_Grace_it_was_worth_a_try>

"Nmmm..." Charlie hummed. And then she replied, with a tinge of melancholy, "You...you loved Grace a lot, didn't you? Were you afraid she'd leave you because you didn't have the same ideas as her?"

<I was afraid she'd think I was too strange>

"I see..." Charlie was silent for a few minutes, then spoke again. "You know, if you're in danger of her leaving you for something like not wanting to do something or just not having the same ideas for projects like that... she's just not a good friend."

<but_she_was_the_only one>

The two of them fell silent. Charlie knew that Rocío probably didn't want to lose the only person who even listened to her at that moment.

<but_that_doesn't_matter_anymore. I_don't_need_anyone's_company>

"Why do you think you don't need anyone's company?"

<trying_to_heal_was_a_STUPID_IT_WAS_NEVER_WORTH_IT.GRACE_NEVER_CARED>

This caught Charlie's attention. So Rocio DID try to get better, but...what happened? And what happened between her and Grace?

"Why do you think Grace never cared about you? Why do you say it's not worth trying to heal? What made you think this way?" Charlie asked, but received no answer, as Rocio didn't want to talk anymore, and she closed the HTML file.

Charlie sighed. She didn't know if the HTML file closing was intentional or not. Apparently, Rocio could close it if she wanted, but sometimes if her emotions were too strong, it also affected the page, and maybe it could have closed on its own.

It was 2 AM, and she really should go to sleep. Although Rocio was somewhat hypocritical, telling her to go to bed early when she herself didn't, it wasn't bad advice. So she decided to listen to her and went straight to bed. We'll see what the next day holds.

Why didn't she want to heal?

Why did she think it was in vain?

"Stupid... STUPID!" Rocio said to herself. "Why? WHY?!" She mocked herself. Everything she did only ended in her suffering. But who needs to improve when you can make your own heaven, and just accept your suffering? No matter how hard you try, your life is ruined, and no matter how hard you try to get out of that ocean of suffering, you only end up drowning.

But...

What if she could with Char...?

"OH! MY GOD, ROCIO! WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? TRYING TO HEAL NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE!? THERE'S NO TURNING BACK, AND YOU KNEW IT! DON'T TRY TO GO BACK!" She reminded herself.

But... if only... she tried... with some company...

"Why do other people have such normal lives? Why doesn't she?" She wondered. She couldn't help but feel a deep envy of the people who were happy and moved on, when she had just been stuck there her whole life. WHAT did they do? Is it just luck? Why does the world hate her? Her answer was easy: it was a lie. She couldn't find happiness. And she never would.

Rocío sat in a corner. A part of her wanted nothing more than to heal. But the other part of her just thought she didn't deserve to heal. Charlie's last question echoed in her head.

What made her think that way?

WHY DID IT END LIKE THIS?

And without realizing it, her mind had begun a journey to her oldest memories, the memories where, according to her, she was so stupid.

The memories of a Rocío who just wanted to move on and leave everything behind.

The memories of a Rocío who wanted happiness.