The mall from Grace's point of view.

Knock, knock.

Grace wouldn't stand up. She didn't want to see her today. She didn't want to interact with her, she didn't want to talk to her. Well, really, she didn't want to see ANYONE. She wanted to isolate herself from everyone again.

Her doubts were drowning her, again. But she knew she could never truly isolate herself. And besides, as Charlie would tell her, "It’s not the solution."

So with all her might, she got up from the couch where she'd been staring at the wall for half an hour. She looked at the calendar: April 28th. Oh, so a whole month has passed since all of this started.

She opened the door.

"Hey."

"Oh!" Charlie exclaimed, flustered for some reason. "Hey!"

They looked at each other for a few minutes.

"Why the hell are you looking at me like that?"

"Uh...it's...nothing...uh...did something happen tonight?"

"Oh," Grace finally realized. You could tell she didn't sleep because of the dark circles under her eyes. It was obvious she would notice, but she was tired, and her mind doesn’t work right when she's tired. "Just... come in, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Charlie walked past as Grace stepped aside.

Charlie sat down on Grace’s familiar couch. This already felt like her second home. How many weeks had she been coming to Grace's house? Almost a month had passed. But it felt like only a few days passed.

"So... did something happen?" Charlie asked again.

"Why don’t you mind your own business?” Grace laughed a little. "Do you want to know that bad? Hm?"

"Well, it seems like whatever happened isn't letting you sleep."

"Can you sleep peacefully knowing that the virus on your computer is your ex-coworker?"

Charlie laughed a little, but then something caught her attention.

Ex-colleague.

Ex-colleague?

"I thought you were friends..."

"Yeah, yeah, we were friends once," Grace mentioned. "But I prefer to think we were just coworkers."

"Well, Grace, sorry, but you won't get anywhere pretending you didn't have anything with Rocío." Grace sighed.

"I know..." She looked to her left, towards the computer.

She wouldn't get anywhere pretending she and Rocío weren't anything.

She was right, Grace knew it, Grace realized it. If it worked, she would have already managed to put her past behind her. And even though she tried for years, look at her, now everything she avoided came back to haunt her, in the form of a curious college girl who played their games when she was younger. Grace thought that if this happened, it would be with Rocío's spirit appearing in front of her, but, nope. Besides, her past had never really left her. The virus she could never erase from her computer was none other than her. She really thought she'd make it. How funny, her past had always been invading her.

"So...what happened?" Charlie asked for the third time.

"Okay! Okay! I'll tell you, you dammitl!" Grace exclaimed sarcastically. Charlie sat up straighter, interested in what Grace would say. "Oh! So you're that interested huh?"

"I want to help..." she said, looking into her eyes. "So please, speak up."

"Okay, okay." Grace took a breath. It was time to confide one of her biggest doubts to a girl who had just graduated from secondary school. She didn't trust her, but therapy was expensive and besides, how the hell would she explain everything she'd been through... Maybe it was better to talk to Charlie. "Last week, when you left, you left the computer window open. So I went to close it, but I noticed something. 30 new files. All corrupted videos I can't open or strange files. I asked Rocio what the hell they were, but she said she didn't know. Excuses, I know she knows... but the point is, she told me something. It reminded me of the time we hit a thousand visitors on the page..." Grace looked down, her voice trailing off. "And... the truth is, it's one of the best memories I have with her... But then I wondered..."

Grace hesitated whether to say it or not. But maybe Charlie could help... even if it seemed to like that little girl couldn't do shit, maybe it was time to trust her a little...

"Was it nice for Rocio?"

Grace was silent for a few moments, then continued:

"And then, I remembered all those memories where Rocio acted so...normal. So enthusiastic, and so happy with me...and I started to wonder…was all that genuine? What if Rocio was always like that and I just didn't notice?"

Charlie listened to what Grace said, and thinking about all of those conversations she had with Rocio, she remembered something that caught her attention:

"...I didn't want my mental stability to be a burden on Grace...much less for it to end our friendship..."

"Yes...I even tried to quit drugs...I didn't want her to feel disgusted by me for doing those things...much less for her to realize that my energy was a result of it..."

She began to put the pieces together in her mind. It made sense. Rocio was pretending to be okay around Grace; she was never "okay." It was just an illusion she created, just and for Grace.

“Grace... I can't tell you anything since I don't think Rocio would like it... but... Did you ever notice that Rocio went from energetic to incredibly exhausted all the time?”

“Nmmm…” Grace thought. "Nope. She seemed bored, but besides that..." Grace thought more. "The truth is, I just thought she stayed awake until late, but she seemed more bored than exhausted..."

"Nmm..." Charlie thought. Boredom... it could be the anhedonia and depression that Rocio got when she tried to quit drugs... depression when trying to quit is incredibly common. Surely, by trying to hide it, she ended up making it seem more like boredom than depression. But she couldn't tell Grace this. Rocio wouldn't like it, and that would ruin the little process they had.

Then she returned to the main topic.

"So, you're not sure if Rocio was genuinely happy with you, huh?"

"Yes..." Charlie thought about how to solve this.

"Do you remember any other happy memories with her?" she asked.

Grace thought. She thought very seriously. She searched through all her memories with Rocio. The recent ones were the most... unpleasant, so she went to the oldest ones. And finally, she remembered something.

"There was that one time we went to the mall. I was going to help her pick out some clothes... I remember."

The year was 2005. In reality, only three weeks had passed since they went out to eat.

Grace was supposed to go out with Rocio to the mall to buy her things. But every time the date came around, something new, "more important," would pop up for Rocio. Grace just thought about how strange and annoying this was...

Then she suspected Rocio was just making excuses. But why would she? Didn't she want to go out with her? WELL! FUCK HER! SHE HAD MORE FRIENDS THAN HER! SHE SHOULD CONSIDER HERSELF LUCKY TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER!

She thought on a walk after college she took with other friends.

...Okay, maybe she was assuming too quickly. Maybe Rocio was really busy. Maybe she got a part-time job, who knows.

Walking with her friends, she decided to ask them about her.

"What do you think of Rocio?" Grace asked one of her friends, Steffy.

"Rocio? Who's that?"

"Do you mean Yanina?" another replied.

"Yes, yes, Yanina Rocio," she replied.

"Oh my god..." Steffy sighed. "Don't tell me you’re talking to her..."

"Huh? Of course not!" Grace exclaimed, lying immediately. "I just wanted to know your opinions..."

"Wanna know my opinion?" Una smiled. "She's a fucking weirdo. She thinks she looks mysterious, but really she just looks stupid!"

"How do you know she's trying to look like that?" Grace asked, and one of them put her arm around her back.

"Grace, why do you defend her? We're always right. Don't doubt us! We're your lifelong friends! And she... she's just the weirdo who asks for your notes... so just shut up, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, ugh..." Grace sighed.

From that conversation, she quickly came to a conclusion: She had to hide her friendship with Rocio, or her reputation would go to hell.

So, after a whole walk of just her friends talking trash about other girls and her supposed friends who weren't there, Grace texted Rocio.

And she waited.

<sorry>

It was always the same... what would she do with Rocio... She suspected she was really making excuses, and that maybe she even hated her. Grace didn't seem like the type of person Rocio would like anyway.

If Grace was honest, she was disappointed. Because she really wanted to go out with Rocio. But now she'd have to distance herself from her even further; she didn't want to ruin her other friendships... no matter how fake they were, they were her friends...

"You should have dumped them a long time ago," Charlie commented.

“Shut up…”

"Did you really have to distance yourself from Rocio for other friendships? They weren't that good people anyway..."

"And Rocio was a better person, right?" Grace said sarcastically, and then she laughed. "Charlie, she ruined my life. In fact, I wish I'd never spoken to Rocio again from then on. But I didn't, so let me continue. So, where was I…”

The next day, Grace started to distance herself from Rocio. They sat next to each other and sometimes passed notes on what the teacher was saying, but after a class, waiting for the next one, Grace went to the bathroom with her friends. It wasn't a big deal, or so she thought.

"Grace, why are you sitting with that girl?" Millie asked.

"Huh? Rocio?" Grace asked.

"Nooo, Steffy," another responded sarcastically. "Rocio, duh!"

"Oh, well... I never thought about that. It's just that she always asks me for what the teacher talked about if she didn't come..."

"Well, stay away, Grace, she doesn't need you anymore!" Millie exclaimed. "If she comes every day, why would she need your notes?"

"Grace, she's using you," Steffy said. "She's only talking to you because you're smart and she wants to copy your answers, believe me!"

"Yeah, and you two are different, aren't you?" Grace said to herself, remembering all the times she'd done projects alone because she was in a group with them. Rocío at least tried, and she was pretty smart, she just needed to be less absent here…

Grace just sighed.

"Sit down with me!" Phillie offered. "I'd love you to help me with this..." And there we go, they've already asked for her help. They were no different from their stupid version of Rocio, and they didn't even try to hide it.

"Grace, did you really prefer to stay away from Rocio than from them?"

"I didn't want them to think I was a weirdo..." Charlie sighed at what Grace was saying. She couldn't believe her sometimes.

"REALLY, GRACE?" Charlie swore she was running out of patience.

"Okay, okay, let me finish telling the story, okay?" Grace groaned.

Then, Grace sat down with Phillie. As much as she didn't want to, it was better than being judged. Every two seconds she asked and asked for help, and Grace usually had no problem with this, except... she asked for help with everything... with understanding, writing, figuring out the answers, really... She didn't do anything. She did everything herself. She missed Rocio. Rocio only asked for what they did when she wasn't there, NOT for her to do everything for her! And besides...talking to Phillie felt like being in jail... She hated everyone, always talking trash about their friends behind their backs; she was the most fake person in the world. Grace knew she talked trash about her too; she expected it. But it was worse when someone different, like Rocio, was around. She didn't feel right listening to Phillie make fun of her all class; she just wanted to get away from Rocio, not bully her too!

But she had to be honest; it wasn't as if she, Grace, was a better person than Phillie. She laughed with her, talked trash about the girls too, and about Rocio too. But she didn't attack Rocio as much as she attacked the other girls. Grace...she had grown fond of her. Her way of being, her way of dressing, her tired eyes, her smile...she wanted her close. But she couldn't if she didn't want them to look at her strangely.

She missed her.

A lot.

But, well, she couldn't. Or at least, not yet.

"So, let me get this right..." Charlie thought for a moment about everything Grace said. "You STAYED AWAY FROM ROCÍO, FOR WEEKS. YOU STAYED AWAY FROM SOMEONE WHO POSSIBLY DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS OTHER THAN YOU, JUST BECAUSE YOU CARED MORE ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF FRIENDS YOU KNEW WERE FAKE."

"Yeah. So?" Grace asked. "She didn't die or anything, it was only two weeks, she survived."

"Grace, I don't think you understand. THIS ISN'T RIGHT EVEN IF ROCÍO HAD OTHER FRIENDS!"

"SO LET HER GET OTHER FRIENDS! WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO DEPEND ON ME, HUH?"

"EVEN IF SHE GETS OTHER FRIENDS, THAT'S NOT RIGHT, GRACE! YOU SHOULD HAD EXPLAINED IT TO HER AT LEAST!”

"AND RISK THEM LOOKING LIKE AT ME LIKE A WEIRDO? I HAVE A REPUTATION TO MAINTAIN!"

Charlie took a deep breath, she swore she'd lose her patience with Grace. She just kept asking herself, HOW CAN SHE BE SO SELFISH? HOW IS IT THAT SHE DOESN'T FEEL EVEN A BIT OF EMPATHY?"

"You were lucky Rocio even stayed with you. She was very patient with you, you know?"

Grace remained silent.

"How do you know how she felt? How do you know she didn't suffer?" Charlie asked.

Grace said nothing.

They were silent for a long moment, Grace staring at the floor. She tried not to show it, but everyday she regretted how she treated Rocio more and more. BUT, OH WELL! Rocio could have always talked to other people! She looked fine! She didn't show that she was sick in the head! How would she know?!

"Keep telling." Charlie asked.

"Okay..."

Then, after two weeks of Grace only saying hello and goodbye to Rocio, a day came when Grace remembered: Going to the mall together. She really...wanted to do that. She liked the idea of going shopping for clothes with Rocio. She wanted to see Rocio, and that was a good excuse.

But she didn't want to be seen with her either...

Then she got an idea:

Rocio hadn't come that day, so the next day, she would ask for her notes. So, she copied what she'd written down as neatly as she could, and then wrote at the bottom:

"See you at 4 PM."

So, the next day, she arrived early. And luckily for her, she saw that Rocío arrived early too. Perfect, more time to talk to her!

She approached her, wanting to surprise her, but she looked at her more closely. God, she was a mess. Did she have to do her hair again herself? She was still going to scare her.

She hugged her from behind:

"Surprise!" she exclaimed. Rocío let out a small squeal and turned around, her face showing that Grace had indeed scared her.

"O... oh! It 's you..." Rocío sighed. "Hello..."

"Hey, Rocío!" Grace greeted her. "How are you?"

Rocio was slow to respond, but then she replied:

"Oh... I... uh... I was... good..."

"That's great!" Grace grabbed her notes. "Here you go, since you weren't here yesterday."

Rocio looked at the notes and then at Grace:

"Thanks..."

"You're welcome!" Grace looked out the window. They were coming.

"Well, see you." Grace waved to Rocio again, and quickly went with her friends so they wouldn't see her with her.

Then the hours passed, Grace was so excited. She couldn't wait for the girls to leave and go shopping with Rocio, to be with Rocio. She missed her so much. But she remembered a small problem:

What if her friends found her?

No, no, this couldn't happen. They couldn't see her with Rocio, no.

Then she thought, shopping malls that were far away and where her friends wouldn't go...

She had to search. Quickly. She couldn't change her date with Rocío again...

Ask her friends? No, they'd know and notice that she wanted to stay away from them.

Google...

Quickly, she surreptitiously took out her phone and started Googling shopping malls that were FAR from her. This would be faster and easier on a computer, but it would be weird to just go away out of nowhere and go to the library.

Or not...?

"I remembered I had to look something up at the library!" Grace exclaimed, said goodbye to her friends, and left.

Grace went to a computer and searched for shopping malls that were a little further from the university. She finally found one, but they had to take the train and walk six blocks.

It didn't matter, right? Rocío could walk; she had legs for a reason.

By the time she realized it, it was already 3:30. In half an hour, she'd see Rocío.

Then she spent the other half hour reading in the library, because, why not? Reading was her greatest hobby.

She couldn't hide it. She already wanted to see Rocío.

Then, finally, she saw it was 4:00. She got up and went to the college exit; by now, her friends had all left.

She waited about five minutes, and finally Rocío appeared.

"Five minutes late.” she scolded Rocío.

"Sorry..."

"I was joking! Don't get all sad like that!" she exclaimed, patting Rocío on the back. She examined her up and down.

Thank God she always brought a comb to school.

"Oww! Don't comb so hard! It hurts..." Rocío complained. Grace was about to leave her bald.

"Well, you should take better care of your hair too... stop dyeing it so much, that way it won't be all crispy.”

"Okay, okay... but stop doing that... it hurts..."

"Yes, yes, I'm done, you crybaby." Grace finished combing her hair. It looked... decent now. Not great but good enough.

"Well, you know where we're going today, right?"

"...No...?"

Grace sighed:

“The mall, Rocío. The one we've been waiting to go to for weeks because you didn't have any days off."

"How did you know I had a day off today?"

"...I just felt like you'd be free today."

Rocío laughed a little, but then remembered.

"I don't have any money..." she said sadly.

"I do." I'll pay for everything, don't worry!" Rocío looked at her, surprised and a little scared.

"But you already paid for my food last time..."

"Doesn't matter!" Grace exclaimed. "I'll pay whatever you want, you really need some new clothes." Rocío sighed.

Then, Grace walked toward the mall they were going to, Rocío following her.

"How much longer..."

"Three more blocks!"

"Ugh..." Rocío complained, already tired.

"It'll be fine. When we get there, we'll sit down and have a smoothie or something. Do you like that idea?"

Rocío thought:

"Yeah, anything that includes sitting down is fine..." She sighed.

Then, they walked, and walked, until they finally arrived. Then Rocío automatically walked to the nearest cafe and sat down, exhausted. She was sweaty, which was strange because it was already fall and they hadn't even walked that far, but hey, from this she realized that Rocio definitely wasn't the best at sports...or at fitness in general.

"Well, that made something clear to me," Grace thought.

"What?"

"We need to go out more. Until you get used to walking distances longer than...six blocks."

"It wasn't just six blocks!" Rocio complained. "It was also the whole way to the train!"

"Uh-huh, you sat down on the train too, so it doesn't count, you rested."

"Ugh..." Rocio just looked at the menu. "...A chocolate milkshake?"

"Okay," Grace nodded, calling a waitress. "A strawberry milkshake and a chocolate milkshake," she ordered.

Grace chatted with Rocio while they waited, until the milkshakes arrived. Grace drank her drink normally; it was her favorite. This coffee shop was her favorite. She was happy to find it in this mall. Meanwhile, she looked at Rocio, who, upon drinking her drink, showed a look of great surprise. True, Rocio didn't go out often. Maybe this was the best milkshake she'd ever had, who knows? Rocio really was an enigma.

And they continued chatting, until finally, Rocio had enough energy to walk.

And then, Grace grabbed Rocio's arm and led her to a specific store.

"Look, this is my favorite store," Grace mentioned. "Go look, okay?"

"Y...yes..." Rocio nodded, looking around. Grace immediately brought her some clothes.

"Look! This would look beautiful on you, Rocio!" Grace exclaimed. It was a cropped t-shirt, the kind Grace liked to wear in the summer. Rocio just stared.

"No... I... uh... "

"You can be honest with me, you know..." Grace repeated.

"I... don't like short clothes."

"Ohhh, well! I can't say I'm surprised..." Grace sighed, and started looking for more clothes Rocio would like.

She didn't know it would be so difficult.

She brought her shorts, because she should have some. What would she wear in the summer? But Rocio refused. Wow, she was serious about not wanting to show off. She kept trying to convince her to wear cropped shirts, but she also refused. Maybe she wanted to lose weight or something. Shopping for Rocio was really difficult.

They went from store to store. Rocio barely liked anything, god, she was difficult...

Until she finally saw something in a store...

A dark purple jacket. It looked like something Rocio would DEFINITELY wear. It was perfect! It didn't show much, it was a dark color just right, just like the ones she liked, and the jacket she had right now was really worn.

Rocio was looking in another store, but Grace already suspected Rocio wouldn't like anything there. She stared at a mannequin. If she wanted it so much, why didn't she buy it? Rocio was the strangest girl in the world...

Then Grace walked in, looked at the sizes... She noticed Rocio liked oversized clothes, so she bought a size larger than what she thought would fit Rocio. She didn't really know how skinny or fat Rocío was, considering how she hid her body, but she definitely wasn't fat. She saw (at least) her wrists, and the truth is, Rocío looked normal.

She paid for the jacket and then went up to Rocío. She wanted to catch her by surprise, but...

She was the one who caught her by surprise.

"What are you doing...? What's that?" she asked, in front of the store where Grace was shopping.

"I know you'll like this. Believe me." Grace took the jacket out of the bag and showed it to her. "Do you like it?"

Rocío looked at the jacket in amazement.

"Now you’ll finally leave that worn out jacket! It will finally rest in peace..."

"I like this jacket..."

"Oh!" Grace exclaimed. "I thought you just didn't have the money to buy another one."

Rocío looked at Grace and laughed a little.

Finally, she had bought something for Rocio. It wasn't what she expected, but it was something.

She wanted to buy her more things, but Rocio refused.

"You know, if it's about the money," she assured her "I have a lot more. Come on! Let me buy you something else!" Grace insisted and insisted.

"Ummm..." Rocio thought. "Okay..."

"Yayy!"

They walked further and further, with Rocio's strict tastes, which meant she didn't want anything that showed off her body too much.

They bought two t-shirts, one white and one black, and another jacket, also black.

Grace was about to go into another store, but Rocio grabbed her.

"This time, buy something for yourself, okay? You've already bought me enough things..."

"Hmmm..." Grace thought. Given how difficult it was to please her, they actually bought quite a few things. "Well, yeah, why not?"

So Grace went inside and bought two sweatshirts since winter was approaching. And then she went out with Rocio.

They sat for a while near a fountain, talking about what they bought that day. Rocio was smiling, that beautiful smile she liked so much. She noticed Rocio was a little embarrassed. Hasn't anyone ever bought her things? Well, that was just her, Grace. She really was lucky to have a friend like her, wasn't she? She also mentioned that she didn't have much money...

So they kept talking, the topic somehow returning to Lacey's. Rocio was brainstorming ideas for what they could do for the next game. She loved how happy she looked...

"You better come back tomorrow with what I bought you, huh?"

"Well, why not? Something must come out of all that walking..." Rocio sighed.

"And...that was it, really," Grace finished.

Charlie didn't think much about it, since it was obvious to her:

"I'll tell you something, and even if I ask Rocio how she felt about that, it's obvious she wasn't very comfortable."

"Why?" she asked.

"Look, once someone tells you they don't like wearing clothes that show too much, YOU DON'T OFFER THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN! You just accept it. And besides, staying away from Rocio for weeks without explanation... I'm sure Rocio wasn't very happy about that."

"Yes, but..."

"Grace." Charlie cut her off. "Why do you suddenly care if Rocio had a good time with you?"

Silence.

Grace didn't open her mouth.

She didn't want to answer.

She couldn't answer.

The truth is, after so much thinking, and all the talk about Charlie trying to help Rocio, she couldn't help but wonder:

Was she the problem?

The answer was obvious, but admitting it would damage what little remained of Grace's ego. The ego she'd worked so hard to maintain.

Grace knew she was a bad person. She just didn't want to admit it.

"Are... are you going to ask Rocio about this?" Grace asked.

"Only if you want. I won't tell her anything you don't want me to."

Grace thought. Maybe... it was time to hear the other side of the story instead of just hers.

"Can you ask her how she felt when that happened? Just... that's it."

"Sure," Charlie affirmed. "Just let me connect to the computer and then..."

"Yes, yes..." Grace stood up to help Charlie, even though Charlie already knew how to do this.