No doesn't mean never

Grace grabbed the door handle, opened it, and headed home after about eight hours of work. After everything she'd been through when she collaborated with Rocío on a game that went horribly wrong, she managed to get a job at a computer repair shop. No other place would take her, given all the rumors that she made those disturbing games that traumatized millions.

She had every right to hold a grudge against Rocio. She had ruined her life. Now she had to constantly "clarify" that she had nothing to do with Yaniaso, and that she didn't know why Rocío had put her name there. Thank God, people were too stupid to connect the dots and realize that their name was just their last names fused together: Yani and Asop. She still remembered when they were making up a name for themselves...

She was going to go crazy if she heard the name "Yaniaso" one more time.

But sadly, she'd definitely hear it a lot today. And not just today, really. Charlie replied, saying she'd be there an hour after she arrived.

She felt an overwhelming urge to cancel everything and isolate herself in her room. But it was easy to realize that it's impossible to stop Charlie of all people. Even Rocío was less stubborn...

Rocío, Rocío, Rocío. It had been a while since she'd heard that name, and now she heard it every two seconds. The first time she heard it in years, she froze. It felt like someone had thrown cold water on her. She never thought she'd hear that name again; she did everything she could to avoid hearing that name again. She wasn't even in the same city anymore. Did she have to leave the country too?

But even so, she decided not to delete that HTML file. As much as she hated it, she simply couldn't. Something was stopping her. She simply couldn't allow herself to delete that HTML file.

It would all be over if she just got rid of that file forever, right? This whole nightmare would be over.

But...she couldn't. She just couldn't. Something was stopping her.

And after that conversation with Rocío, she had even less strength to delete that html file.

But why? She hates her, she shouldn't care. Right? Or maybe she wasn't wrong for not wanting to erase it... or maybe she should just stop thinking about it. But it was impossible. This topic wouldn't leave her mind, and she knew it wouldn't anytime soon. Or ever, really. She could already tell this was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. But she didn't want to admit it, because the thought scared her. She tried to distract herself as much as she could, but now, she couldn't distract herself anymore.

"Ugh... I hate you so much, Charlie..." Grace said to herself. She hated being forced to remember everything that happened after so many years of repressing those memories and that period of her life in general. And she just remembered, it was 10 of april, she had to see her.

She didn't realize she'd already passed her house from thinking so much. She quickly turned around and went back.

This was going to ruin her life.

Knock, knock

"Who 's there?"

"Charlie!"

"Oh," Grace sighed and opened the door, letting her in. Charlie stepped inside, taking off her black zippered sweatshirt and leaving it on a hanger by the door.

"How are you, Grace?" she asked.

"Horrible. And you? How are you today? Weren't you supposed to be at university at this time?" Grace answered casually.

"Err... It’s only my third absence..." Charlie looked at a corner of the room.

"This week, isn't it?"

"Okay... leave me alone. It's my life, and I choose what to do with it." Charlie turned her gaze to the floor.

"You better get a good grade on your thesis, or I'll kill you, Charlie," Grace threatened, her face growing more serious. She looked like an angry mother threatening her son that she’d take away the Xbox if she didn't get good grades.

"Understood, understood..." Charlie went straight to Grace's computer.

She was planning to just go and connect herself to the computer already, but she wanted to talk to Grace, or at least have a little conversation with her. No matter how small, she wanted to talk. Maybe a miracle would happen and Grace would tell her something related to why she was acting so strange the other day. Or maybe she should just bring up the subject directly? Being direct wasn't bad... but maybe it was wrong. Maybe it would be better to let Grace bring up the subject if she really wanted to tell her, to let Grace open up to her. It's better not to force her.

Grace stared at her, waiting for something. Waiting for Charlie to do or say something. Charlie was looking at her too. Waiting for Grace to say or do something. They both waited. It was an awkward moment. Very awkward.

Grace soon realized Charlie was waiting for her to say something. She looked elsewhere, but ended up going back to the computer.

Should she...?

"How does it feel to use that computer, knowing now that Rocío is there?" Charlie asked, as if reading Grace's mind.

Grace thought for a moment. Ever since Rocío disappeared, she felt a strange feeling in her chest. She'd gotten good at ignoring it; she'd even forgotten about it. But ever since Charlie brought up Lacey's, it was harder to ignore that feeling. And now that she knew Rocío was on her computer…She felt exposed.

"...I guess...I feel a little...terrified, you know? You can't blame me anyway. I mean, she could have seen everything I did on my computer...maybe she knows my passwords... that's…creepy...You understand, right?"

"...You're actually right." Charlie thought about Grace's response. Understandable. God knows what would happen if Rocío got angry with Grace and she knew her credit card’s numbers…

There were a few more minutes of silence. For some reason, Charlie didn't want to just connect on to the computer right now. The air was a little tense.

"Yesterday... I..." Grace began. But then she regretted it. "Forget it... it's not important... just do your own thing..." Grace looked away.

"Something's bothering you, Grace. You don't have to keep hiding it," Charlie said frankly. "You know... if you don't want me in your house, you could have just said no..."

"No, no, really... I don't care. I promise. It’s just... just..." Grace fixed her gaze on the floor. She couldn't tell Charlie that she hated that this situation forced her to think about Rocío and herself again. "Just do your thing, okay? Don't pay attention to me."

Charlie frowned. She knew VERY well something wasn't right. She remembered the conversation she'd had with Rocío the day before...

"<I_don't_blame_her_for_being_mad_at_you>

With me? So the issue is with me?

<what_did_you_expect¿>

<but_it's_not_just_with_you>"

The issue wasn't just with her... and if she had to think more, she could easily assume it was with Rocío as well. It didn't take long to realize Grace didn't like the girl very much.

"Rocío..." Charlie trailed off.

"Rocío what?" Grace asked, turning her head to the side. "What about her now?"

"She said you were mad at me," Charlie mentioned. "I told her you were in a bad mood, and she said she didn't blame you for being mad at me. But she also mentioned it wasn't just me..."

"Rocio's just talking nonsense, Charlie." She said in a stern tone. "She doesn't know what she's talking about, I promise."

"...Well, I guess you'd know more about Rocío than I do, wouldn't you, Grace?" Charlie replied, staring into Grace's eyes.

"Err..." Grace looked back at Charlie. "Well...it's not really your fault..." Grace admitted.

"What's wrong? Please, I want to help..." Charlie asked again. Grace thought. Should she tell her? She didn't trust her enough to tell her such serious things yet. They'd only met about a month ago... and the two times she said it was for her thesis, she ended up lying and uploaded it to her YouTube channel.

"I promise not to upload it to my YouTube channel, Grace. I couldn't do something so...horrible.I know how to keep secrets! I promise!"

" ‘This stays between us, okay?’ I told you in the first interview.”

"I know, I know...but that was just an interview...I promise I'm not capable of doing that with personal things. Pinky promise!" Charlie offered her small finger.

"I won't hesitate to cut your finger off, you know?" Grace threatened.

"And I'd deserve it anyway," she admitted.

Grace didn't offer her finger. Intertwining it with Charlie's would mean telling her. Telling her everything. She really didn't want to tell her everything, at least not directly.

"You don't have to tell me everything, okay? And I really promise not to tell anyone. I'm already annoying enough by breaking into your house..." Grace zoned out, wondering what to say. She'd never told anyone about this before... she didn't even know where to start...

"You know... I talked to Rocio yesterday." She started talking.

"Really?" Charlie was surprised. "You talked?"

"Yeah, we talked... if you can call it talking..." Grace sighed. "I tried asking her questions, like where she'd been, and since when... she said I should know, and to just "remember"...ugh." Grace spoke. Charlie listened intently.

"So, did you try to remember to see if you understood what she meant?" Charlie asked. Grace fell silent, looking away.

"That's a no, isn't it?"

"It's just..." Grace rambled. "I...really...no...I didn't plan for all this to happen, you know? I...the plan was to forget about all of this..."

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't I? It was horrible..." Grace shuddered. "I tried everything, I left the city, I got another job, I made a whole new life..."

"No matter how hard you try to avoid it, it doesn't change the fact that it happened, and it's still there. You can't ignore it forever, Grace. It's better to face your problems; that's the real and only way to get over it." Charlie countered.

Grace listened. She knew he was right. She always knew it. She just...didn't think she was ready...Or maybe for a moment, she really thought avoiding it would work. For a long time, no one had talked to her about it. She already had a whole new life, new friends. But it was obvious I couldn't avoid it forever.

"...You're right... Whether you were around or not, I wasn't going to be able to avoid it forever." Grace sighed. "I guess it was going to happen eventually... but I... I really believed I was going to make it."

"I know for a moment you think you are to achieve, but at some point, it was going to come back. Besides, wouldn't it feel better to resolve whatever happened? You have the chance right now. It would be something else if Rocío had really died... But even then, avoiding it isn't the solution.”

Grace took a breath.

"So..." Charlie began. "You asked Rocío..."

"I asked her where she is, if she’s the whole page, and how long she’'s been there. She told me I should know, and to just remember..."

"So... Why don't you try to listen to her? Try to remember, what exactly is she referring to? Maybe the last time you saw each other..."

Remember... The opposite of what she'd been doing for years. She could barely remember the last time she saw Rocío.

"I... I don't remember exactly when the last time I saw Rocío was. At least, not anymore. It was a long time ago."

"What if you start remembering little by little?" I mean, you were trying to avoid that whole period for a long time…”

"You're right..." Grace agreed with her. Rocío, Rocío, Rocío... she remembered what Charlie had asked her the day before.

"And that's where you met Rocio?"

"Yes, that's where I met her. We were classmates."

"What was Rocío like?"

"Well, at first I thought she was just a goth girl. She was pretty distant, she seemed cold. She was always alone, reading or drawing."

She remembered the first time she spoke to Rocío...

They were at university, and the professor had given a group project. God knows how Grace and Rocío ended up being a group. Rocío never talked to anyone, and Grace was stupidly social, talking to anyone. Anyone she considered cool. Grace was very judgmental.She would NOT talk to anyone she decided was “weird”. And Rocio was one of those she decided was weird. But there was no one else left to group with.

Grace wanted to disappear. Did she really have to talk to her of all people? She didn't even know her name, but she really didn't want to know. She'd have to talk to her anyway, whether she wanted to or not. This was for a grade. She put on a fake smile and sat down with Rocío to organize.

It wasn't so bad. Rocío was tolerable; she barely spoke unless it was about something related to the work. Better for Grace. She didn't want to listen to her. She wanted this to be the first and last time she spoke to her.

But wanting to didn't mean it was going to happen.

Rocío often asked for her notes. Grace was a good person and would give them to her whether she wanted to or not. And those were the interactions they had. It really wasn't much.

But obviously if they stayed like that, Grace wouldn't have gotten to where she is right now.

Grace had a lot of friends. A LOT. Her group of friends was huge. And she wasn't really close with any of them. They argued ALL THE TIME. Every week there was a new source of conflict. This was, to put it mildly, exhausting.

This time the whole group got into a fight, and she was left alone again. It really wasn't good for her to be there. It was time for her to make new friends; being in a big group of friends was like not having any if they argued so much. Grace thought these things would stop in college, but they really didn't.

And maybe it was also time for Grace to be less judgmental. "Don't judge a book by its cover," someone once told her. And maybe they were right. Maybe all those people she'd left out would have been better friends than her current friends. She'd have to try.

She looked at Rocío.

In all her time there, she never saw Rocío speak to anyone. Not even during recess. Which meant something obvious: Rocío didn't have any friends. She looked like she didn’t, but she was trying not to judge her by her appearance.

Rocio was wearing her typical black jacket, which was on the verge of tearing, her head was down. She was drawing in a notebook.

Grace approached her and sat down next to her.

"Hello!" she greeted.

"Hello..." Rocío looked up. "Do you need anything?"

"Nothing! I just want to talk to you!" Grace sat down next to her. "What are you drawing?"

Rocío looked up at her:

"It's nothing... just..." Rocío was quite shy. Grace looked at her notebook better.

"Your art is beautiful! Is she from a series?" she asked.

"Thanks... it's an original character." Rocío replied. The girl she drew had her hair down, but part of it was in two ponytails. She had two clips on each side.

"Can I see more of your drawings?" Grace asked. Rocío quickly put an arm up in front of her notebook.

"Umm..." Rocío looked away, hesitant. "They're not that... good."

"But from what I saw, you draw really well! Show me, please?" Grace insisted.

Rocio hesitated to show Grace, but then stuck out her arm and showed her a few drawings. Grace watched with interest.

"Your art is amazing..." Grace praised her. "I draw too, you know."

"Really?" Rocio asked.

"Yes! But I'm more of a background artist... Your characters are quite pretty. I have zero originality when it comes to drawing characters..." Grace complained.

"Really?" Rocio was amazed. I guess Grace didn't seem like the drawing type. "Can... Can I see?"

"Sure! I'd love to show you!" Grace exclaimed, "But I didn't bring my drawings today... I'll show them to you tomorrow if you don't mind!"

"Okay..." Rocío smiled.

The next day, Grace, as promised, brought a notebook with her drawings. She loved drawing places she liked; every day she went somewhere new, she would take a picture and then draw it.

Rocío looked at the drawings of various landscapes in amazement:

"Wow... you really draw very well, Grace." Rocío praised her. "Did you take any classes?"

"Yes, I used to take classes, but only when I was younger. Besides, I moved cities later."

"Wow..." Rocío smiled. "I didn't think I'd find someone who also draws. Let alone you."

"I don't know how to take that, but I'll take it well." Grace smiled. "I like you, Rocío."

The other girl looked at her, surprised.

"Really?"

"What? Have you never had a friend?" Grace teased her. Rocío laughed awkwardly.

"It's nothing, I just didn't expect that from you," Rocio laughed.

And that was it, the first real conversation she had with Rocío. They were a rather surprising duo, to be honest. Grace used to be so judgmental; it was strange to see her with someone like Rocío. Anyone who knew Grace would be surprised to see her even interacting with Rocío if it wasn't just out of obligation.

Rocío seemed so happy...

Grace wondered what happened.

Grace wondered what happened with the Rocío who smiled every time she saw her, the Rocío who was creative and always seemed to know what to do, the Rocío who made jokes, the light in her eyes when she looked at her...

Grace wondered if all of that was even real.

"Grace? Grace! Are you there?" Charlie cut her off. Grace blinked, she hadn't realized she staid quiet for so much time.

"Yeah, yeah, i'm there." Grace sighed. "I just...remembered the first time I talked to Rocío."

"Really?!" Charlie asked. "Tell me pleasee!" She insisted like a kid asking her parents how they met, and what other thing could Grace do other than just tell her?